Ok I think the title is a bit misleading...like I'm getting married or I'm having a kid...No....it refers more of my attitude towards my job....boring reflection ahead
Previously I was having a relatively good time on my job until I took my current batch of pupils 2 years ago.
Previously, I would be able to better manage the kids as time passed....their behaviours would improve.... and they would like me and I would like them too...however it all stopped until I took this batch of kids....
From my perspective...they were rowdy and stubborn....I thought it was because I have never taken kids of a younger age before and I was not used to it..being impatient and all.....
Then I took the same batch again the following year abeit a different bunch.......same problem.....
It didn't help that I felt physically unwell and no doctors that I had seen was able to alleviate my body pain and chronic fatigue. Frustration and guilt built up....felt that I was neither a competent teacher nor colleague.
I was ready to throw in the towel and get my sanity and health back. Thankfully my boss and colleagues were super nice and persuaded me to stay. Now, I still get bouts of guilt attacks, because they are so nice and caring despite me being such an incompetent teacher and awful person. Really really thankful that I have a chance to work here.
Then I started talking to people from different walks of life (and ages) and realise that people just need to progress at their own pace and there's nothing wrong with it...that's just life. I wanted the kids to behave in a certain way and have certain attitude....but they were just not ready for it yet....
Thinking back, if someone were to preach to me and expect me to behave in a certain way, I will probably balk and rebel...simply because I have not reach that stage yet.
i.e. My principal preached to my classmates and I when she caught us buying cup noodles from outside. Found her totally annoying but now I find myself agreeing to what she said.
And in a way, I'm also in no position to judge simply because my attitude towards studying and people around me weren't great in the past as well . If people around me had decided to be less forgiving and decided to judge me....I willl probably end up a sad and bitter person. I just needed to progress at my own stage and reach where I am at my own time.
I guess it extends to other facets of life as well, don't try to mould the people around you to fit your cookie cutter. Rejoice that we are fated to meet, and take pleasure in each other's good points.
By the way, I'm taking them AGAIN this year...same problem....but I don't find myself getting annoyed (well not that much...sorry I'm not a saint)with their lack of progress. Instead I try to look at the positive traits that they are already exhibiting .I'm also taking another level but it's been relatively a breeze with them ...so far...so it somehow provides some relief for me.
Previously I was having a relatively good time on my job until I took my current batch of pupils 2 years ago.
Previously, I would be able to better manage the kids as time passed....their behaviours would improve.... and they would like me and I would like them too...however it all stopped until I took this batch of kids....
From my perspective...they were rowdy and stubborn....I thought it was because I have never taken kids of a younger age before and I was not used to it..being impatient and all.....
Then I took the same batch again the following year abeit a different bunch.......same problem.....
It didn't help that I felt physically unwell and no doctors that I had seen was able to alleviate my body pain and chronic fatigue. Frustration and guilt built up....felt that I was neither a competent teacher nor colleague.
I was ready to throw in the towel and get my sanity and health back. Thankfully my boss and colleagues were super nice and persuaded me to stay. Now, I still get bouts of guilt attacks, because they are so nice and caring despite me being such an incompetent teacher and awful person. Really really thankful that I have a chance to work here.
Then I started talking to people from different walks of life (and ages) and realise that people just need to progress at their own pace and there's nothing wrong with it...that's just life. I wanted the kids to behave in a certain way and have certain attitude....but they were just not ready for it yet....
Thinking back, if someone were to preach to me and expect me to behave in a certain way, I will probably balk and rebel...simply because I have not reach that stage yet.
i.e. My principal preached to my classmates and I when she caught us buying cup noodles from outside. Found her totally annoying but now I find myself agreeing to what she said.
And in a way, I'm also in no position to judge simply because my attitude towards studying and people around me weren't great in the past as well . If people around me had decided to be less forgiving and decided to judge me....I willl probably end up a sad and bitter person. I just needed to progress at my own stage and reach where I am at my own time.
I guess it extends to other facets of life as well, don't try to mould the people around you to fit your cookie cutter. Rejoice that we are fated to meet, and take pleasure in each other's good points.
By the way, I'm taking them AGAIN this year...same problem....but I don't find myself getting annoyed (well not that much...sorry I'm not a saint)with their lack of progress. Instead I try to look at the positive traits that they are already exhibiting .I'm also taking another level but it's been relatively a breeze with them ...so far...so it somehow provides some relief for me.
